God... Do you hear me?

 I miss him every day. Counseling, please Lord let counseling work to at least get us started to our future I still imagine every day of my life. He comes, sees her, leaves. We sit across the room from each other, stare, don't say a word about anything but her. When he kisses her goodbye and walks out the door... I die a little more inside. He plays with her while I steal glances at him. I miss his smile. I miss his laugh, the way we would play and wrestle and cuddle at night. I miss how he would kiss the top of my forehead and tell me there was nobody else. I love him, God. With you as my witness I would still marry this boy if my better judgment didn't force me not to go back right now. I'm scared when we finally do get things decent enough to try again he will be over me... He won't want me. What would I do if someday he tells me it isn't worth fighting for anymore. We are still a family, he is still the one I want forever and always. I hold the image of us with our baby girl when she was born in my heart forever. He promises me that we will get through this and he tells me he misses me.. But he can hardly look at me when we are face to face. Just the occasional "So how are you?" "Fine, just tired. She misses you."
In my head I finish with a "I miss you, too..."
Please tell me you're listening up there, I could really use someone to not judge me for how I feel about him. I don't want to miss him this much, or to hurt as much as I do. But I sit and I look at the pictures from the last year and a half... I will never get over him, Lord. I need my best friend, my movie buddy, my partner in crime, my sweetheart. Someday everything will make sense, Lord. I really am putting my faith into you. Everything from my past. Take it, run with it, and please help me. There's so much I have to get through before I can be whole again. But I trust you.

I'm learning to trust you again.