Hurting.

I don't think he realizes how much I'm hurting right now.

I cry.

I scream.

I hide the truth from my little girl.

We're trying to work on things. He complains, I don't say anything, we fight. 

I hide in my room and smile for her, laugh for her, play with her.

But when she's asleep it all comes out. 

She goes in her swing and I go into the shower and let it all out. 

I stay in there sometimes for hours while she's sleeping.

Just crying.

Sitting on the shower floor with my head in my knees, crying.

It doesn't go away, it lingers.

I feel like this constantly, every day.

We're doing better but I'm feeling worse.

I feel like I'm going down...

down...

down...

and I'm not getting better.

Nothing is helping.

I don't think anything will.

At least she doesn't see it. And he doesn't notice.