What can you do?

Sigh. I was trying so hard to do well with what I had. I tried to make my pictures gorgeous still with a simple point and shoot. But it's not good enough. It never is. And cameras themselves cost hundreds of dollars not to mention the lenses, backdrops, supplies. I don't think I'm going to advance much farther if I'm crippled like this. It's killing me a little inside. But that's not the only thing going on lately. I'm also trying my butt off to make things work with Bo's dad. We constantly fight, argue, bicker. He's so critical of everything I do and lately I just don't want to even hug him. I think the magic is gone and it scares me. Here's the man I thought at one time I would be spending the rest of my life with. I just don't think if a promise to stay together can hold up if the spark is dead. It seems not even worth it anymore. I just don't feel what I used to. And this isn't something that's just come up recently, it's a cycle. We're good for about a week and then it's back to bickering and fighting 24/7. I feel like I've failed my daughter. I feel like I'm failing myself. I don't feel like I have a calling in life. I don't know what to do anymore. I want happiness and sweetness, love and respect, compassion and understanding. I want the basic things a human being should get from a significant other. There's just one itty bitty problem: I want them with him. I don't want to find someone new, I won't be good enough. Who wants a seventeen year old mom with stretch marks and a crap ton of emotional baggage? Nobody. And maybe for now I should just focus on me and Bo. I think I have to. Bleh. I just needed to vent to someone.
At least my baby is happy. And I know I'm a good mother.

I am a Teenage Mother.

But there is one difference between me and what most people perceive of the teenage mothers in my generation. I did not get pregnant from sleeping around or from being with someone for a week. My parents do not raise my child. They do not take care of her on a daily, or even weekly basis. My parents see my child once or twice on a two week basis. They are GRANDparents to her. They spoil, kiss, hug, hold her. They do not change diapers. Do not feed her or calm her down unless they offer. I don't feel the need to put her off on them because I had sex at an early age.
My name is Emma. I am 17 years old and my daughter, Bo, is almost twelve weeks old. She is a happy, healthy little girl who loves her parents. I am very much with her father, and we very much plan on being together for the rest of our lives. This is my journey, and I hope you will embark on it with me. I believe in the great Circle of Life, and I believe that we prepare our children to enter into their reign with respect, understanding, love, and humility. We teach them how they should be. And I want my daughter to feel strong, confident, and capable.
That is my goal, and this is my life.