My daughter makes me giggle. Currently she is sitting next to me wiggling and laughing at her toes.
She is four months old as of the 21st and the happiest, craziest, wiggliest little thing.
Just the other day she was in her jumper and turned ALL the way around by herself! I was so proud.
How can someone so small take your entire heart by storm? It's not fair. Loving someone so little to death just... I don't know. I adore being a Mommy. She's the best baby.
On another note, I'm very sick. I don't know what it is but I have a stuffed nose, headache, sore throat, and these God awful canker sores in my mouth that I want to rip out with a scissors. Ugh. So I've embarked on another project:
Mom Comics.
They are comics starring me and my daughter made just for Moms!
Here are a few:
I love my photography, trust me I do. Sometimes retouching takes FOREVER and I never seem to get a picture right no matter what I do.These are the newest ones from the most recent Valentine's shoot I did. The couple was amazing to work with and so adorable. The pictures are all perfect but I can never seem to get them "right."
Take this picture, for example. I love the black and white but for some reason I still don't feel like it's finished. I feel like there should be a heavy vignette and some color splash. Now I realize this is a beautiful moment with the perfect edit for the picture, but I never feel done. It's so frustrating sometimes because I want my work to be good and I want people to love the pictures they get from me.
Or this one. I still feel like there should be bokeh hearts or something in the background, but it's beautiful. I love their faces, the smiles, the joy radiating from them. You can just tell they love each other. I still adore this shot, but I would overedit if I didn't stop myself.
And this one is my favorite so far. The blue on the wall is so pretty. I also love her smile. Still so cute.
I just feel like I'm underediting. Ahhh... The joys of being a new professional.
I miss him every day. Counseling, please Lord let counseling work to at least get us started to our future I still imagine every day of my life. He comes, sees her, leaves. We sit across the room from each other, stare, don't say a word about anything but her. When he kisses her goodbye and walks out the door... I die a little more inside. He plays with her while I steal glances at him. I miss his smile. I miss his laugh, the way we would play and wrestle and cuddle at night. I miss how he would kiss the top of my forehead and tell me there was nobody else. I love him, God. With you as my witness I would still marry this boy if my better judgment didn't force me not to go back right now. I'm scared when we finally do get things decent enough to try again he will be over me... He won't want me. What would I do if someday he tells me it isn't worth fighting for anymore. We are still a family, he is still the one I want forever and always. I hold the image of us with our baby girl when she was born in my heart forever. He promises me that we will get through this and he tells me he misses me.. But he can hardly look at me when we are face to face. Just the occasional "So how are you?" "Fine, just tired. She misses you." In my head I finish with a "I miss you, too..."
Please tell me you're listening up there, I could really use someone to not judge me for how I feel about him. I don't want to miss him this much, or to hurt as much as I do. But I sit and I look at the pictures from the last year and a half... I will never get over him, Lord. I need my best friend, my movie buddy, my partner in crime, my sweetheart. Someday everything will make sense, Lord. I really am putting my faith into you. Everything from my past. Take it, run with it, and please help me. There's so much I have to get through before I can be whole again. But I trust you.
